Thursday, June 7, 2012
Bordem is Dangerous
Gosh I am bored at my new job. Everything is in the admist of change, and I am caught in the middle. My bordem is causing me to over think and to over analyze. I am trying to keep myself occupied, but it is difficult. I think it is affecting my mode at work and making me tired even though I am not excerting myself.
Friday, June 1, 2012
No need for comparison
I am constantly comparing myself to this other person who started the same day as me. I shouldn't be because this person has a lot more education then me, not to mention a certificate. I am devastated at the accelerated pace she is being assigned duties that I imagined myself receiving. Through comments of the team, i gathered that some of the items being assigned to her were originally assigned to me.
The words: imagined, gathered, and although not written - expectation are dangerous words due to the dramatic implications that can occur if I act on these words. I am compelled to stay silent. But my mind keeps running away with jealousy, as it shouldn't be due to:
1) Being a new hire
2) only having entry level experience in my field
3) not having the credentials that all my team members have
These facts are overwhelming to me getting the crap no body wants. I should be thankful that the tasks assigned to me thus far are not as entry level and administrative as my last job. Yet, I keep circling the wagon of jealousy.
Just breath. Just be happy. Count your blessings before someone counts them for you..
I am definitely leaving at 4 today.
The words: imagined, gathered, and although not written - expectation are dangerous words due to the dramatic implications that can occur if I act on these words. I am compelled to stay silent. But my mind keeps running away with jealousy, as it shouldn't be due to:
1) Being a new hire
2) only having entry level experience in my field
3) not having the credentials that all my team members have
These facts are overwhelming to me getting the crap no body wants. I should be thankful that the tasks assigned to me thus far are not as entry level and administrative as my last job. Yet, I keep circling the wagon of jealousy.
Just breath. Just be happy. Count your blessings before someone counts them for you..
I am definitely leaving at 4 today.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Choices
I have been thinking a lot about choices in the last 24 hours. Little ones, big ones, and big ones that I perceive or act as though are little.
It started with bringing my dog to the vet yesterday, where I got bullied into buying more than what I knew was logically needed. Yes, technically only $30 of it was not necessary. But I am not focusing on this point of the $30. I am focusing on it because I feel like I got taken.
That brings me to my other choice. I started a at a new job. My only purpose for my first day was not to get stuck in a sucky seating arrangement. I persevered to get the bigger desk that is more secluded. It got me further away from the people that I want to be close to and it may have caused me to get different duties than originally planned. This is not the only factor that plays into my duties at the end of the day; the reassignment of people played the biggest factor in the duty assignment, but my point is that the choices I made based on what I thought I wanted is driving my life; the days that make up my life and because I think I know what I want and I go get it, I might end up with what I really don't want, and I did not even know how badly I do not want it.
This is not code. There is no reading between the lines. It is what it is...
I should not be down, because I still don't know what duties I will have, and I could have taken the crappy seating and still be in the same position where I did not get duties I THINK I WANT. How ironic.
It is painful living in my brain, as non of it makes sense, but in my mind this is all perfectly normal.
To Another Day of Choices.
It started with bringing my dog to the vet yesterday, where I got bullied into buying more than what I knew was logically needed. Yes, technically only $30 of it was not necessary. But I am not focusing on this point of the $30. I am focusing on it because I feel like I got taken.
That brings me to my other choice. I started a at a new job. My only purpose for my first day was not to get stuck in a sucky seating arrangement. I persevered to get the bigger desk that is more secluded. It got me further away from the people that I want to be close to and it may have caused me to get different duties than originally planned. This is not the only factor that plays into my duties at the end of the day; the reassignment of people played the biggest factor in the duty assignment, but my point is that the choices I made based on what I thought I wanted is driving my life; the days that make up my life and because I think I know what I want and I go get it, I might end up with what I really don't want, and I did not even know how badly I do not want it.
This is not code. There is no reading between the lines. It is what it is...
I should not be down, because I still don't know what duties I will have, and I could have taken the crappy seating and still be in the same position where I did not get duties I THINK I WANT. How ironic.
It is painful living in my brain, as non of it makes sense, but in my mind this is all perfectly normal.
To Another Day of Choices.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
One more day
I am combusting right now. I have found out that in the interuim of me worrying about another persons status that they behind close doors it was being resolved. I always think that everything revolves around me, but in reality, maybe a 3rd of what happens around me pertains to me directly. Probably less!
My doggy is being weird. I adopted her a few days ago and she would not pee or poop any where. Yesterday we had a break though and she went outside. Today she went on a peeing parade and peed on my boyfriend, the couch, the floor in many different parts of the apartment.
My doggy is being weird. I adopted her a few days ago and she would not pee or poop any where. Yesterday we had a break though and she went outside. Today she went on a peeing parade and peed on my boyfriend, the couch, the floor in many different parts of the apartment.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Today's realization
So I started a new job, and I am just starting to figure out that this is going to be a quiet time for me as I get adjusted to my new environment. My ability to compose myself is easy and the people here are under stress and have seldom moments to socialize.
On the inside I am exhausted and combusting with joy as I adopted a pup over the weekend. She is not really a pup, but a 2 year old dog that is so small you would think she is a puppy. Since I never write on this.. the run down is my last dog had severe medical problems and I, as her owner, did not find her a new suitable home before the problem got so severe that she literally remove the skin from her leg. It has been about 7 months since her passing. Parts of me hate that I was not good enough and the other parts of me was challenged beyond anything I could bare.
The challenge about getting a dog I think mentally exhausted me. I want one so bad for love and companionship but the thought of that happening again was horrifying. My better half convinced me that I can never know what is to come with the dog and I need to except the good with the bad.
Anyways, I have a feeling I will be more consistently writing on here since I do not have anyone to talk to at work. Hehe.
On the inside I am exhausted and combusting with joy as I adopted a pup over the weekend. She is not really a pup, but a 2 year old dog that is so small you would think she is a puppy. Since I never write on this.. the run down is my last dog had severe medical problems and I, as her owner, did not find her a new suitable home before the problem got so severe that she literally remove the skin from her leg. It has been about 7 months since her passing. Parts of me hate that I was not good enough and the other parts of me was challenged beyond anything I could bare.
The challenge about getting a dog I think mentally exhausted me. I want one so bad for love and companionship but the thought of that happening again was horrifying. My better half convinced me that I can never know what is to come with the dog and I need to except the good with the bad.
Anyways, I have a feeling I will be more consistently writing on here since I do not have anyone to talk to at work. Hehe.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Yuck
I am totally in a pissy mode. I don't know what I have to be pissy about but I am tired of being at work. This week has just begun and I feel like it is never going to end. Yuck!
The last few weeks has been really hard on me, and I could handle it then, but now I feel like I am on another channel.
I do not want to be at work. Then I get home and it is really messy. So messy I don't want to clean it up.
Pup has a foot infection. Poor thing, she never get a break. Always taking medication for something. I love her though, I love her a lot.
2:38 - I still do not want to be at work. I think the I do not like my job, so I end up sucking at it more then I normally would because there is this piece of me that hates it.
I have to give them, that I have flexibility and I get paid semi-well, not great, but good.
When will this day be over????? Or even better, when will thi week be over? I guess this gives me time to work out!
3:00 - I am so not focused today...
The last few weeks has been really hard on me, and I could handle it then, but now I feel like I am on another channel.
I do not want to be at work. Then I get home and it is really messy. So messy I don't want to clean it up.
Pup has a foot infection. Poor thing, she never get a break. Always taking medication for something. I love her though, I love her a lot.
2:38 - I still do not want to be at work. I think the I do not like my job, so I end up sucking at it more then I normally would because there is this piece of me that hates it.
I have to give them, that I have flexibility and I get paid semi-well, not great, but good.
When will this day be over????? Or even better, when will thi week be over? I guess this gives me time to work out!
3:00 - I am so not focused today...
Monday, September 19, 2011
No Way Out
Today I am hating my job more than ever. I can't help the people who are lagging the most and I have to restrained myself to help, just so I can have a shitter day later thi week. On the other hand, I have lost 14lb and I have a good feeling about staying on track. We will see with qtr end approaching - late nights, bad food, and no exercise.
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