Choices

I have been thinking a lot about choices in the last 24 hours. Little ones, big ones, and big ones that I perceive or act as though are little.

It started with bringing my dog to the vet yesterday, where I got bullied into buying more than what I knew was logically needed. Yes, technically only $30 of it was not necessary. But I am not focusing on this point of the $30. I am focusing on it because I feel like I got taken.

That brings me to my other choice. I started a at a new job. My only purpose for my first day was not to get stuck in a sucky seating arrangement. I persevered to get the bigger desk that is more secluded. It got me further away from the people that I want to be close to and it may have caused me to get different duties than originally planned. This is not the only factor that plays into my duties at the end of the day; the reassignment of people played the biggest factor in the duty assignment, but my point is that the choices I made based on what I thought I wanted is driving my life; the days that make up my life and because I think I know what I want and I go get it, I might end up with what I really don't want, and I did not even know how badly I do not want it.

This is not code. There is no reading between the lines. It is what it is...

I should not be down, because I still don't know what duties I will have, and I could have taken the crappy seating and still be in the same position where I did not get duties I THINK I WANT. How ironic.

It is painful living in my brain, as non of it makes sense, but in my mind this is all perfectly normal.

To Another Day of Choices.